so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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