Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
