do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize