um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
