i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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