It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
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Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
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He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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