i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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