I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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