I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
