we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
