he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
