i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
