We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
