he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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