whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
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i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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