my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
