At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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