He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
