if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
