Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
