U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
