he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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