barbara walters just said penis...
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
