soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
