Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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