when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Randomize
