My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
They are going to name an STD after you.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
