piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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