every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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