i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
