Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
