Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Randomize
