How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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