actually, I'm a sock model
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Randomize
