dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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