if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
