let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
