i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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