even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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