is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
