yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
