If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
