Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
