there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
