I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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