I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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