the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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