i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
My feet surprised me
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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