I showed him my bush... on skype.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
