Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
