My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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