I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
