my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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