nut hugger
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
