it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
