I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
