I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
There are leaves in my underwear?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
