I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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