So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
