It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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