i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
