after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize