i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
