im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Your topless pictures make me question reality
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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