My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
