question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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