Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Randomize
