I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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