Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
