I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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