Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
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As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
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My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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