I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
