I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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