i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
My vagina is officially offended.
The struggles of a small town man whore
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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