people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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