Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Is it penis luge time yet?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
